Tuesday, March 16, 2010

"Here Comes the Bride - Big, Fat, and Wide ....."

Does anyone else remember singing that as a little kid? You know - we had all those silly mock lyrics: "On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese ...."; or "Glory, glory Hallelujah ... teacher hit me with a ru--lah ....." Remember? Well, maybe it was just us Peoria kids.

So - long time, no posts. I've been away from blogging for many reasons. First I was insanely busy, and then when I had more time to write, I didn't feel like writing about my weight problem any more. I really do hate the entire subject and everything that is associated with it. Unfortunately, for a "lifer" like me, "everything that is associated with it," is .... EVERYTHING! There's no escape, not even in my happy land of denial. Sigh. So here I am again, more determined than ever to lose this weight and fix my mind about the whole issue.

The most consistent part of this blog came when C-Man and I were preparing to go to Hawaii in September. Again, I hadn't intended to create a "countdown"-type record to track my weight loss and seek encouragement when I'd started this blog, but it was easy to keep up with, and it did help me stay focused. Upon returning from Hawaii and starting back to school, my blog was pushed to the background, as were any real efforts to lose weight. (Of course, in my mind, I WAS maintaining efforts to keep losing weight. But here I am six months later, ten pounds heavier than when I returned from Hawaii. Crap.) Perhaps the first goal of writing this, which was to explore the causes and fallout of a lifetime so clouded by weight issues, will best be covered after the excess weight is gone. Such ruminations have helped me understand how I've gotten to this point, but they haven't taken me where I want to go. The actual battle still has to be fought, regardless of what set it up. Yeah, it's true. Lose the damn weight first; then think about it. Good plan.

So now I have another motivating tool to utilize: our wedding in October. My C-Man (and best friend!) proposed on Christmas day, and of course I accepted without hesitation. My heart still flutters when I think of that moment, as it is doing right now. :) My sweet fiancee seems to have accepted me for who I am, exactly as I am. I once thought such love and acceptance would make the weight magically drop off. You know - the "curse" would be lifted with True Love's first kiss, yada yada ... . Ok, I didn't literally believe that, but I did sort of think that it would be easier to do what is necessary.

The truth is, motivation has to be created just like everything else - at least long term. And now I have it. If simple knowledge about health, fitness, and longevity aren't enough to prod me into consistent action, there is one thing left that will: Vanity. I want to be a beautiful bride. I want to make my groom (and myself) proud. I want to feel so confident and lovely on my wedding day that my looks are the LAST thing on my mind. I don't want to think about people saying, "Oh, she's so pretty. Too bad she's never gotten hold of her weight problem," .... or .... "Well, she looks all right for a fat 49-year-old." I want to spend the rest of my life looking as great as I'm feeling, which is pretty darned good these days! I also want to surprise my new husband with an eye-popping honeymoon night ensemble. I won't do that with the body I'm currently wearing. Whatever it takes, right?

Here's a picture of a dress style that I like the most so far, but probably in a champagne or blush color - nothing too "bride-y." I love the neckline and simple lace overlay. The styles I like the best all require graceful arms and a trim waist. Whatever I wear, I want to feel so at ease in it that people will look at me and see happiness, not anxiety. The wedding day is set for October 16th, 2010. Today is the 16th of March. That means I've got exactly seven months. How much can I change my body in seven months? Stay tuned. We'll see.


Stephanie Frieze said...

I hear you Irene. I've yo-yo-ed from 217 to 150 to 115 to 227 when the doc said, "Whoa, there, partner!" On the verge of Type II and already with HBP I am really trying to get the scale back down there. Maybe we can struggle toward your wedding together. I've managed to lose seven pounds (assuming that our scale and doc's are in sync and that is seldom the case). "Get more exercise." "Are you planning to get me a maid or insert more hours in the day," was my reply. One step at a time. Right now I'm doing my best to stay away from sugar, most dairy, and bread. We'll see. Maybe writing about it on my blog will help. See you in October if I don't see you before.

Corwin8or said...

You are so right: I accept you for who you are as you are (just as you have me). But I don't think you have fully accepted yourself. So I support whatever it takes to achieve that acceptance! Let's go jogging!