Saturday, August 15, 2009

"Put Away the Scale," she said.

Ah, it's Saturday! Even though my Do-List is longer now than it was during the week, I'm feeling refreshed and ready to enjoy the weekend. Yesterday was Day 4 into my 31-day countdown to Hawaii. I went for my monthly personalized session at PC (Positive Changes Hypnosis). The therapist and I discussed my 15 lb. loss in the program so far, and how I'm feeling about the whole process. I explained that it's exciting to know that this is working, but how part of me doesn't believe it I can keep it up. After all, I have tried and failed many times before. She then "invited" me to focus on what I have accomplished in my life, instead of on all the things, not just weight loss, that I haven't done or completed to my satisfaction. Good advice, for anyone! I'm telling you, I'm loving this place! (No, not a paid endorsement... .)

Then I told her how unpleasant it is for me to get the scale, and how frustrated I get when losing only half a pound when I've worked out hard and eaten all the right things in the right amounts. I also have extremely negative emotional associations with weighing myself. I remember being forced to weigh myself as a kid - usually when one of my parents was upset with me for being overweight - and how humiliating it was. The scale was an implement of punishment, and still kind of feels that way. So as I've mentioned before, I avoided weighing myself as an adult as much as possible. Any losses were never enough; any gains were more proof that I couldn't succeed.

So this therapist told me to just put the scale away, and check my progress based on how I look, feel, and how my clothes fit. Besides, weight can go up and down on a weekly basis, especially when one is working out, so a weekly check can be misleading. Ok ... but ... what if I get off-track ... lose momentum ... start gaining weight back??? Ack!! We agreed that the best compromise is for me it to check in once a month. That means... I won't be weighing my until the day before I leave for Kauai. Gulp!

She also addressed my resistance to weight loss, and the constant disbelief that I can ever live at my ideal weight. On some level, she said, being overweight has worked for me, and she asked what "gifts" the extra weight has given me over the years. Hmm - interesting question. I had to admit that being a fat kid can bring out the compassion in a person. I consider myself empathetic and non-judgmental, and that's probably a result of knowing how it feels to be rejected or judged, misunderstood or devalued. Okay, so now what my conscious mind needs to do, she said, is accept that fact that I have grown into a compassionate person - that I've benefitted from the lessons of being overweight - so I can let the weight go now. Hmm. Yes, I do know that for some dysfunctional reason(s), I've been holding onto this fat for dear life. Time to unclench, "Irene".....

All right - after our talk came the hypnosis session, which provides suggestions for me on releasing the extra weight, acknowledging my life's successes, and seeing my future body without the added weight. (I still can't see it yet, but on our long, uphill walk yesterday, my boyfriend said he is seeing it emerging - cool!) I'm also going to visualize beautiful Kauai. Keep my eyes on the prize, right? Twenty-five day to go until next weigh day.

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